you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
