It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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