ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
third nipple confirmed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
