I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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