false alarm. still invincible.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm passing your future prison.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
