Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
