I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
