Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Boobs are out for the taking
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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