That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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