My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
