the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
