I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
