I can text with my tongue
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
