Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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