Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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