I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
