he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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