if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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