I cannot find my penis.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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