Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
