never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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