oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
