man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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