If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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