im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
