i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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