They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We left the knife in your bed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
