My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
