I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
