Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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