Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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