I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
