Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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