I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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