problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
