In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was CRYING into my vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
