is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
