dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
