You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and she was petting her beer can
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
