You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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