Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
BRING THE BAGELS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize