He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
