my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
