i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
