Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
