new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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