I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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