She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
