the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
