I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
