Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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