Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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