If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
