Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
