Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
