I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
