I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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