U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
