I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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