So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
