Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
