I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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