worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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