Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
