I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
