A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
