just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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