On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
