The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
