I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
