Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
