I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
