yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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