Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
