Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
