Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
