is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
