And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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