I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
