And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
