Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize