'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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