I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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