Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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