First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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