five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
