Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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