Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
