I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
