You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
