Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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