Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
