So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize