Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
