I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
