I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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