I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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