Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
