Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I intend to get homeless drunk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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