What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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